NOT JUST A WIFE
Portraits of 50 Modern Military Spouses
We all have a story in ourselves and this is the story of the community to which I belong. It is unique as it is worldwide community of military spouses.
‘Not Just a Wife’ was my ‘mid-life crisis’ idea. I realised that many people were happy to accept me as ‘wife of’ or used the official term of ‘dependent’ but they didn’t know my back story.
Very few people took the time to ask me about ‘me’. I decided I would ask a few people I know what their back story was and I was stunned! It seemed that no matter who I spoke to, old friends or new introductions, they all had a ‘back story’ that was unique. Maybe that is why these people and soldiers are drawn to each other? These incredible character traits that are often not truly apparent until adversity strikes.
I was fortunate to meet a defence researcher who believed in the project and supported the first exhibition space in the Royal United Services Institute in October 2017.
It has been a privilege to interview these women and men. I have cried, laughed and been aghast at some of their stories. A forensic scientist who was one of the first at the shooting in Dunblane who is also a semi-professional dancer; a chartered surveyor who took to teaching dance in an overseas posting; a lead buyer for Aquascutum and Converse who has re-trained as an Early Years teacher and some, like me, who have seen their own share of military service in our own rank.
The legislation over the employment of women in the Army changed on 1 April 1992 which meant that I passed out from the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst as an officer in the Royal Artillery. My first unit was 39 Regiment Royal Artillery where I became the first female MLRS Troop Commander.
Constantly pursuing my interest in photography I left the Regular Army and I became a Territorial Army Public Information Officer. This took me to the Balkans in 1995 and around the world since.
I have struggled with 4 young children and a husband deployed for 10 years either in Iraq or Afghanistan but let’s not forget the Northern Ireland, Kosovo, Sierra Leone and many other long exercises in between.
I asked my children about moving and changing schools. ‘I’ve only been to 5 different schools’ - yes, but you have been in the same one since you were 11 years old.
It is a different lifestyle that relies on community. Being on a ‘patch’ ensures that you are with
like minded people. You know they will understand, often without any words being spoken. Could you move into a new house and within a week knock on a neighbours door at 3 o’clock in the morning and say: ‘You don’t know me, we haven’t met, but I need to take my baby to hospital. Please can you go and sit in my house with my other 3 until I can get back?’
Trust, integrity, loyalty and friendship all develop their own levels of strength within a ‘patch life’.
It has always been so; whether it was women joining together on the battlefield and long marches or in 1854 when the first ‘quarters’ were built. It is this community strength that ‘permits’ the soldiers to confidently deploy knowing that the support is there for their loved ones.
Without this community life would be so much harder.
Family don’t understand; military friends have lived it with you. No words are needed…even years down the line.