Know your Why & Never Give Up

‘I keep telling her she will not be able to take photographs and she will never command soldiers; she has to accept these facts.’

Paraphrasing but those were the words that were said to me each time I was asked in interview: what do you see yourself doing?

That all started 30 years ago today. I was 25 years old and had wanted to join the Army since I was 16. My Dad kept telling me, in the early days, to go off and do something different, as the Army life was all I knew. I took his advice but there was still something I needed to know - could I do it?

By the time I turned up with the obligatory ironing board under my arm, my reasons for going were part of an evolving idea to be a war photographer. I thought that if I joined the Army I could learn more about how they operate and how I could make sure I was in the right place to anticipate the best photo.

I had my ‘why’.

Old College RMAS

Day one and I was nowhere near the iconic, white fronted, imposing Old College but rather Victory College, a 1960’s triumph of concrete design that won awards in its day.

Day one and whilst we unpacked the staff were briefing our parents: they will fall asleep; we will shout; they will get tired but there is no reason why they won’t come out the other side as a commissioned officer in the British Army.

New College RMAS

Day one and I was unpacked and we had our first timing - to be in the dining room for tea. It was all so civilised but as soon as the parents had left it started in earnest. Parade outside NOW…’can I put my handbag away?’ ‘can I change my shoes?’

Day one, lesson one - always be prepared for the worst scenario and then you can always be pleasantly surprised. I wasn’t a handbag/high shoes person but there were some that struggled through the orientation of the grounds as we were marched,

halted and told which buildings were going to be the most significant in our lives.

Did I enjoy my time at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst? It had its moments. I thoroughly enjoyed documenting a fly-on-the-wall stills version of life behind the gates. I realise now that emotionally I was not in a great place. I was finding myself and wanted to be part of a team but had huge challenges of trust.

I learned that people are quick to default to the unkind rather than work out what the issues are. If I kept referring to my project on the murals of West Belfast perhaps it would have been better to sit back and wonder why? I was nervous, wanted to do my best and relied on the events that had given me a purpose.

There were many laughs. The night patrols where we terrified ourselves thinking about ‘the enemy’ only to realise it was cows or the time when, laden down with kit, we decided to take a short cut across a stream hanging onto a wobbly wire fence. We watched the first girl go over and as she gracefully slid backwards into a 45 degree position, determined not to let go, we helpfully fell about laughing!

It was those moments that made the tougher moments less tough. It was the friendships that have survived 30 years which are inexplicable. It was the tried and tested training which seemed ridiculous at times, when you are in the process, but on reflection is the best training in the world.

Me, after the Commissioning Parade

That final feeling of the commissioning parade in front of Old College; the ceremony and tradition cannot be underestimated. The ‘we did it’ moment as you walk up the steps and disappear along the corridors of Old College is a privilege.

As for the comments in the interviews? I left Sandhurst to train at the Royal School of Artillery from there I was posted to command an MLRS Battery - Multiple Launch Rocket System and a troop of soldiers. I was an officer in the Gunners commanding soldiers.

I continued to take photographs and document my story. After three years in the regular Army I left and joined the Territorial Army. For the last 25 years I have been taking photographs on behalf of the Army as a media specialist.

So when you embark on something challenging know your ‘why’, believe in it and never give up.