Tell them today

Recently I have been reminded of how much people can influence our lives but when do we tell them? The recent tributes around HRH Prince Philip’s funeral and then watching the BAFTAs made me think.

After people die we always fill the media spaces with so many lovely comments; tell them how they have influenced our lives but they are dead. Why do we not do this when they are alive? We have seen the media reporting on all the incredible work of the Duke of Edinburgh and yet whilst he was alive they spent so much time putting him down, finding the negative.

How many times do we do this ourselves? Not necessarily putting people down, but rather telling someone just how much they have influenced us. That whilst a moment may have been relatively insignificant in the big scheme of things, it meant something…. to you.

Don't wait until the sun is about to set to talk to people.

The first opportunity I had to do this was when a friend was in palliative care having battled with cancer. The family kept us updated and said that whilst she was being kept comfortable any messages would be most welcome.

I wrote her a letter. I told her how much of an influence she had on me as a new army wife.

I recalled how when I had arrived at the Battalion I felt out of my depth, despite being around the army a military child.

She scooped me up and as we walked around the barracks she was addressing all the wives by their first names and knew enough about their family to ask a direct question, without being nosey. (There was no way that she ever came across as a gossip).

I told her how I had tried to emulate this but discovered that I just didn’t have her natural talent. Recounting in my letter the times where I entered a coffee morning, taken a deep breath and headed over to groups to introduce myself. “We met last week” was often the response. I was mortified, but laughed it off and kept doing it!

The joy for me was that I had told her how much she was loved and respected. It made me feel good to know that I had shared how much she had meant to me, even if I hadn’t said it to her in person. Resolved to do better I made a decision on my 40th Birthday to do something similar.

With 4 children aged 12, 6, 4 & 6 months, I wasn’t hugely in to a big party; although a small group of us went to see the ‘Four Tops” at a club in Swindon. I had written an article on the owner and we were given the VIP treatment. Huge amounts of fun was had by all.

It may seem a bit old fashioned but pick up the phone.

I decided to send a small box of chocolates to 40 women who had impacted my life. I made cards and wrote in them what that moment had been.

For me the joy was in the giving. I was able to say ’thank you’ and know that they would enjoy the chocolates. Part of the message was explaining my why and the gift card had all their names on it.

I have been reminded of this, not just through the recent obituaries and media coverage but through a random post on Facebook. I recognised a name on a group page and messaged them. It was a bit of a ‘tourist in London’ moment; do you know this person? I was glad I had asked the question as the answer was ‘yes’.

I now have the opportunity to write to this person who I last saw in the 1990’s and say thank you. To let them know the impact they had on me and my life choices.

My 50th Birthday was celebration on a much larger scale. It was the decision to do my exhibition ‘Not just a Wife’. It was to highlight 50 spouses who have shared a journey similar to mine in so many ways but celebrating the individuality of them all.

Why not reflect on those who play or have played such an important role in your life - no matter how small it may seem - and tell them they are loved.