‘We were Army Wives. This was our life.’

When I embarked on ‘Not Just a Wife’ I was aware of many researchers who were writing papers on our lives, the life of the military spouse, but I was unaware of previous contemporary writings of the life I lead.

Giles Morgan reached out on social media to ask if I had ever read the book ‘On the Strength - The Story of the British Army Wife’ by Veronica Bamfield. Veronica is Giles’ grandmother and passed away in 2000. I would have loved to have met her as I am sure she would have had some words to day about the lives of military spouses today.

What astounded me most about the book is that not much has changed!

‘On the whole though, the army wife was a healthy creature, with a philosophic attitude to the ups and downs of her restless life.’ (p.26) Oh how true that is today! It would be incredible to see Veronica’s notes and to understand the raison d’être.

After discussing with her publisher what she should write in the book, the decision was that it should be lively and readable. Perhaps she left a message in the Preface as Veronica goes on to say:

‘In this I hope I have succeeded, leaving it to others to make further and later discoveries should they so wish.’

I do so wish.

Our community is a rich tapestry of men and women who live a lifestyle that is little understood by those that they work alongside. It is imperative that we continue to work for a greater understanding of our community so that it continues to bring about change for the future but will protect those elements of our community that make it so special.

When Veronica wrote her book in 1974 roles in the military were still limited for women, this meant that the majority of spouses were women and therefore ‘wives’. There are many legacies that continue to be based around the activities of wives in the past but they are slowly changing.

The reason for me looking back, to take the story forward, is that it is important to understand why the role of spouses is so important, not only to defence but also to the wider community in which we live. Why some decisions made by civilians are not made from a lived experience and that the peace time decisions have strong repercussions in times of conflict - at home and overseas.

In a recent prominent interview a celebrity stated that they were not shown what life would be like in a very specific organisation. I related this to the life of a military spouse. In the introduction to my exhibition I said a similar thing. I had been born into the military life, trained as a soldier what was left for me to know?

No one and nothing prepared me to be a wife and then a mother in the military environment. One of the most irritating phrases? - You knew what you were letting yourself in for. I wonder if Veronica ever faced that during her time? When you read her book you can just imagine how she may have responded.

You are not told how the military works, you have just married the person you love and now you are in a world that is, to be honest, quite alien to ‘normal’ life. In the past it was the other wives who would support and guide you through the labyrinth of information, acronyms, traditions etc.

Sadly, this is often misconstrued today as someone wanting to interfere or someone being nosey. There is also the danger that a negative version of what life can be like shapes early impressions and then it is really difficult to see the benefits.

Social Media should be a great way to ensure that we share information that will make our lives better but so many times there is an overlay of civilian life that may not translate that easily. Frustrations occur and life can become unbearable.

Life and society has evolved but there are some elements of our community that we need to protect.

Getting our messages to a wider audience to highlight the value that we bring as a community is being done by some talented people:

Jess Sands - The Independent Spouse Podcast. Interviewing military spouses and those who have contributed to our military life. In 2019 we had a chat about ‘Not Just a Wife’.

Chris Keen - The Military Husband Blog. Bringing us into the 21st Century and leading the way in showing what it is like to be on the receiving end on some of the policies developed for ‘wives’, gently highlighting that some changes still need to happen.

Sarah Stone - leading the team that has set up the Military CoWorking Network. Encouraging spouses and veterans to engage with their garrison staff to set up hubs to reduce the isolation for those who are working from home.

Heledd Kendrick - set up ‘Recruit for Spouses’ showing that there is a huge source of talent within our community that should be used to enhance a work force and more recently have been training Virtual Assistants.

It would be great to add to this list and I would like to encourage anyone reading this to add those they know who are contributing to our community; people who are talking about our community so that others can reflect on all that our life entails - past or present.

There are many men and women to celebrate who have contributed to our community over the years and I want to catch up between the time of Veronica’s book and the blogs and podcasts of today.

I can do the research but I need the names. I need to spread this net far and wide to capture those who lived overseas in Hong Kong before it closed; Brunei; The Falklands; Naples; Belgium; Germany and all those small postings that none of us ever hear about until it is too late!